Last Tuesday, I was able to attend our company’s christmas party. Its actually the first ‘bongga’ party that I’ve been to since I got married and gave birth. Held at a 5-star hotel in makati, buffet dinner and an open bar (woohoo). I really had fun. Too much fun, actually, that I felt really, really guilty afterwards. How so? First, I ate like a horse. Then, had too many tequila shots, almost as many as the ones drank by the people at my table added together. I danced like there was no tomorrow. In other words, I partied like the party animal I used to be. Well, at least I did practice a bit of constraint by not dancing with men mano y mano, ika nga, puro group dance lang ang lola, even if there were a couple of invites here and there.
I already told myself, minsan lang naman, its not like I go out on gimmiks every night. That I didn’t have to be guilty about it. But after that party, I found myself wishing I could go out more. I’m like…wait a minute, you’re already a wife AND a MOM, you shouldn’t be desiring things such as these.
I always believed that I got married at the right age – 28. By that time, I had a good job, I had my own means of transportation, finished my MBA and was able to spend my own money on frivolous and trivial things. I also considered myself a lucky woman, I have a husband who loves me, a really adorable daughter, family who I can lean on and in-laws who I get along with almost effortlessly. But still, my mind would sometimes wonder on the what ifs and how it would be if still I stayed single.
Is this a sign of unhappiness and discontentment on my end? I do hope not. *sigh*